1
00:00:05,830 --> 00:00:06,663
♫ Ground floor:

2
00:00:06,664 --> 00:00:08,525
♫ Perfumery, stationary, and leather goods

3
00:00:08,526 --> 00:00:09,917
♫ Wigs and haberdashery

4
00:00:09,918 --> 00:00:11,277
♫ Kitchenware and food

5
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:13,528
♫ Going up

6
00:00:22,212 --> 00:00:23,448
Rumbold here.

7
00:00:23,449 --> 00:00:24,647
I'm glad you're in early,

8
00:00:24,648 --> 00:00:26,477
we're gonna have a fire practice.

9
00:00:26,478 --> 00:00:28,455
I see, sir, I'll tell the staff.

10
00:00:28,456 --> 00:00:30,581
Oh no, no, you mustn't do that.

11
00:00:30,582 --> 00:00:34,741
We want to see how they
behave in an emergency,

12
00:00:34,742 --> 00:00:37,477
you just stand by and take notes.

13
00:00:37,478 --> 00:00:40,393
Very well, sir, when will this occur?

14
00:00:40,394 --> 00:00:43,977
I'm not going to tell
you, it's a secret.

15
00:00:46,542 --> 00:00:49,746
Mind you just keep on
your toes that's all.

16
00:00:49,747 --> 00:00:51,321
♫ Rolling down the bound

17
00:00:51,322 --> 00:00:53,121
♫ Looking for the sunshine.

18
00:00:53,122 --> 00:00:55,522
Mr. Harman, the store is about to open,

19
00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:57,578
you're not supposed to be on the floor.

20
00:00:57,579 --> 00:01:00,026
I'm sorry, Captain Peacock
but you might have twigged

21
00:01:00,027 --> 00:01:02,410
that none of the ladies
and gentlemen dummies

22
00:01:02,411 --> 00:01:05,243
is wearing wigs, due to
an oversight from display

23
00:01:05,244 --> 00:01:06,747
what I am going to rectify.

24
00:01:06,748 --> 00:01:07,830
Then be quick.

25
00:01:07,830 --> 00:01:08,990
I would've been a damn sight quick

26
00:01:08,990 --> 00:01:10,170
if you hadn't poked your nose in it

27
00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:11,410
in the first place.

28
00:01:11,411 --> 00:01:13,434
Don't procrastinate.

29
00:01:13,435 --> 00:01:15,474
I shall look that up.

30
00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:17,010
And if it ain't very
polite, I shall probably

31
00:01:17,011 --> 00:01:18,489
come back and call you a very long word

32
00:01:18,490 --> 00:01:19,538
meaning twit.

33
00:01:21,617 --> 00:01:23,119
But I haven't called it to you yet.

34
00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:25,545
I just said I may come back and call you

35
00:01:25,546 --> 00:01:26,546
a twit.

36
00:01:32,658 --> 00:01:35,218
That doesn't look right.

37
00:01:35,219 --> 00:01:36,802
You're next, Daisy.

38
00:01:40,289 --> 00:01:42,872
Fire, fire, fire, fire, fire.

39
00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:45,664
Excuse me, sir.

40
00:01:45,665 --> 00:01:47,165
That was a bicycle bell.

41
00:01:47,166 --> 00:01:48,026
Oh, was it?

42
00:01:48,026 --> 00:01:48,915
Good morning, Peacock.

43
00:01:48,916 --> 00:01:51,153
Good morning, sir.

44
00:01:51,154 --> 00:01:53,016
We seem to be very short of staff today.

45
00:01:53,017 --> 00:01:54,104
Where is everybody?

46
00:01:54,105 --> 00:01:55,472
We're here.

47
00:01:57,205 --> 00:01:58,038
What are you doing?

48
00:01:58,039 --> 00:01:59,616
My drawers had gummy runners.

49
00:02:01,393 --> 00:02:03,273
I was just easing them for him.

50
00:02:03,274 --> 00:02:05,201
I know it sounds
strange, but I assure you

51
00:02:05,202 --> 00:02:06,247
it was perfectly innocent.

52
00:02:06,248 --> 00:02:07,081
Yes.

53
00:02:07,915 --> 00:02:09,398
Fire, fire, come on, Peacock, move.

54
00:02:09,399 --> 00:02:11,639
That is the store opening bell, sir.

55
00:02:11,640 --> 00:02:12,473
Oh was it?

56
00:02:12,474 --> 00:02:14,424
Yes, so it was.

57
00:02:14,425 --> 00:02:16,102
Are you expecting a fire, sir?

58
00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:17,822
No, of course not.

59
00:02:17,823 --> 00:02:18,983
Where are the ladies?

60
00:02:18,984 --> 00:02:20,999
No, I gave them permission to pop down

61
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,894
to the wedgie sale, sir.

62
00:02:22,895 --> 00:02:23,983
Wedgie, what's that?

63
00:02:23,984 --> 00:02:24,817
Golf?

64
00:02:24,817 --> 00:02:25,672
No no no, sir, shoes.

65
00:02:25,673 --> 00:02:29,158
It's a, they're a sort
of chunky platform shoe.

66
00:02:29,159 --> 00:02:31,591
Their popularity is
waning, hence the sale.

67
00:02:32,521 --> 00:02:34,853
That, sir, is the lift bell.

68
00:02:40,429 --> 00:02:43,126
Hold onto me, I think
you're getting vertigo.

69
00:02:46,845 --> 00:02:48,700
What do they look like?

70
00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:50,588
A couple of Frankenstein rejects.

71
00:02:52,368 --> 00:02:54,152
It's time you're behind your counters,

72
00:02:54,153 --> 00:02:57,025
if you think you can make it.

73
00:02:57,026 --> 00:02:58,600
I'm sorry, ladies, it's really

74
00:02:58,601 --> 00:03:00,049
out of the question for you to wear those

75
00:03:00,050 --> 00:03:01,433
during working hours.

76
00:03:01,434 --> 00:03:02,553
I absolutely agree, sir.

77
00:03:02,554 --> 00:03:03,640
They're totally unsuitable.

78
00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:04,670
I don't know what you're making

79
00:03:04,670 --> 00:03:05,433
all the fuss about.

80
00:03:05,434 --> 00:03:06,808
I've had mine for a week.

81
00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:11,090
Come on, darling.

82
00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:13,121
Give us a kiss and I'll
bring your mustache.

83
00:03:13,122 --> 00:03:14,864
Here, one for you, Kojack.

84
00:03:18,106 --> 00:03:19,720
Don't take it off, it's my grandmother

85
00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:20,721
to a T.

86
00:03:22,762 --> 00:03:23,595
There you are, sir.

87
00:03:23,595 --> 00:03:24,428
There's your jacket.

88
00:03:24,428 --> 00:03:25,460
And if the sleeves are too long,

89
00:03:25,460 --> 00:03:28,250
don't worry, they'll ride up with wear.

90
00:03:28,456 --> 00:03:29,480
They were too short.

91
00:03:29,481 --> 00:03:30,609
Oh, in that case, they'll ride down

92
00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:31,860
with wear, sir.

93
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:35,127
You mean to say you
haven't been out all week?

94
00:03:35,128 --> 00:03:36,303
Oh, I've been out.

95
00:03:36,304 --> 00:03:37,815
I always come home alone, don't I?

96
00:03:37,816 --> 00:03:38,649
I mean, it's the birds.

97
00:03:38,649 --> 00:03:39,634
They just don't wanna know.

98
00:03:39,635 --> 00:03:41,133
Well, where have you been looking?

99
00:03:41,134 --> 00:03:42,940
Well, last night it was a
Latin American dance class

100
00:03:42,940 --> 00:03:43,937
over the co-op.

101
00:03:43,938 --> 00:03:45,449
Oh, did you get your divvy?

102
00:03:46,650 --> 00:03:47,754
Did you know, all the women there

103
00:03:47,755 --> 00:03:49,080
look like Carmen Miranda.

104
00:03:49,186 --> 00:03:50,336
Well, from what I can remember,

105
00:03:50,337 --> 00:03:52,665
Carmen Miranda, she was quite attractive.

106
00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:56,168
Not, Carmen Miranda
then, Carmen Miranda now.

107
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:58,057
Anyway, then I went to
the Garden of Allah disco.

108
00:03:58,058 --> 00:03:59,050
I don't know how you can stand

109
00:03:59,051 --> 00:04:00,121
all those flashing lights.

110
00:04:00,122 --> 00:04:01,450
No no, they get rid of all them now

111
00:04:01,451 --> 00:04:02,986
and it's all ultraviolet.

112
00:04:02,987 --> 00:04:04,456
Did you know the last time I stood

113
00:04:04,457 --> 00:04:06,217
under ultraviolet, it showed up

114
00:04:06,218 --> 00:04:07,561
all my jockey shorts.

115
00:04:09,890 --> 00:04:11,713
I didn't know where to look.

116
00:04:11,714 --> 00:04:14,529
Mind you, everybody else did.

117
00:04:14,530 --> 00:04:16,850
Well it showed up my two capped teeth.

118
00:04:16,851 --> 00:04:18,113
I was just about to kiss this bird

119
00:04:18,114 --> 00:04:19,248
on the neck when somebody shouted,

120
00:04:19,249 --> 00:04:20,569
"Dracula lives," and she shot off

121
00:04:20,570 --> 00:04:22,800
through the fire exit.

122
00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:23,738
But I mean it's all the same.

123
00:04:23,739 --> 00:04:25,873
They're only interested
in the pop groups anyway.

124
00:04:25,874 --> 00:04:27,625
And half of them are dressed up as women.

125
00:04:27,626 --> 00:04:30,649
You can make some terrible mistakes.

126
00:04:30,650 --> 00:04:32,513
Anyway, then I went to the Pally.

127
00:04:32,514 --> 00:04:34,929
Well you should have
been all right there.

128
00:04:34,930 --> 00:04:36,430
Have you been there lately?

129
00:04:36,431 --> 00:04:39,880
All the fellas stand
around the wall like this.

130
00:04:39,890 --> 00:04:41,120
And all the birds have got the handbags

131
00:04:41,121 --> 00:04:42,610
in the middle of the
floor and they're dancing,

132
00:04:42,610 --> 00:04:44,345
holding hands, going 'round in a circle.

133
00:04:44,346 --> 00:04:45,602
You can't separate them.

134
00:04:45,603 --> 00:04:48,802
I'll lend ya a handbag, you can join in.

135
00:04:48,803 --> 00:04:49,922
My mother's still staying with me,

136
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:51,080
she's got lots.

137
00:05:00,274 --> 00:05:02,929
They hadn't got very much left.

138
00:05:02,930 --> 00:05:04,289
Mr. Lucas?

139
00:05:04,290 --> 00:05:05,785
Yes, Mr. Humphries?

140
00:05:05,786 --> 00:05:07,481
You didn't upset anybody at the

141
00:05:07,482 --> 00:05:11,271
Garden of Allah disco by any chance?

142
00:05:11,272 --> 00:05:12,216
Morning, sir.

143
00:05:12,217 --> 00:05:14,095
Have you been served?

144
00:05:14,096 --> 00:05:16,695
The Emir wishes to speak to chief-man.

145
00:05:16,696 --> 00:05:18,625
I am the chief man.

146
00:05:25,632 --> 00:05:27,882
Good morning, good morning.

147
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:29,857
Thank you.

148
00:05:29,858 --> 00:05:31,105
Thank you, thank you.

149
00:05:31,106 --> 00:05:32,606
What's going on?

150
00:05:34,013 --> 00:05:35,126
I've worked it all out.

151
00:05:35,127 --> 00:05:36,388
When he was in the desert, he put

152
00:05:36,389 --> 00:05:38,308
this Arab bird in the club and now

153
00:05:38,309 --> 00:05:40,092
he's getting his comeuppance.

154
00:05:42,126 --> 00:05:43,959
Oh dear, they're here, Peacock.

155
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:46,214
It's the Emir of city Bendabby.

156
00:05:46,215 --> 00:05:47,798
Dabies, actually.

157
00:05:48,686 --> 00:05:49,646
What's going on?

158
00:05:49,647 --> 00:05:51,025
I'm afraid it's you, sir.

159
00:05:51,026 --> 00:05:52,493
The sign they're giving is that

160
00:05:52,494 --> 00:05:54,577
to ward off the evil eye.

161
00:05:55,558 --> 00:05:56,590
Good heavens, surely I haven't

162
00:05:56,591 --> 00:05:57,733
got an evil eye, have I?

163
00:05:57,734 --> 00:05:59,813
No , you have an evil ear.

164
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,469
Scarf for Mr. Rumbold.

165
00:06:03,470 --> 00:06:04,803
Oh, very well.

166
00:06:07,614 --> 00:06:08,447
How's that?

167
00:06:08,448 --> 00:06:11,237
It's my grandmother to a T again.

168
00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:12,333
Sir, I think you better let me

169
00:06:12,334 --> 00:06:13,167
deal with this.

170
00:06:13,167 --> 00:06:14,360
You see, having been in the desert,

171
00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,078
I'm used to the ways of the east.

172
00:06:16,079 --> 00:06:17,253
Yes.

173
00:06:17,254 --> 00:06:20,797
♫ Sally Sally don't ever wonder

174
00:06:25,622 --> 00:06:27,288
Salaam.

175
00:06:27,289 --> 00:06:29,494
May the sun never cease to shine

176
00:06:29,495 --> 00:06:31,589
upon your children, your
children's children,

177
00:06:31,590 --> 00:06:34,205
and your children's children's children.

178
00:06:40,694 --> 00:06:42,757
He say, "Are you mad, I'm only 25."

179
00:06:47,654 --> 00:06:49,565
These are some of Emir's wives.

180
00:06:49,566 --> 00:06:50,765
He wishes them to wear trousers

181
00:06:50,766 --> 00:06:51,869
in the harem.

182
00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:53,741
Trousers in the harem?

183
00:06:53,742 --> 00:06:55,365
I'd find that very confusing.

184
00:06:55,366 --> 00:06:58,285
How many wives does he wish to trouser?

185
00:06:58,286 --> 00:06:59,309
72.

186
00:06:59,310 --> 00:07:00,310
72.

187
00:07:01,062 --> 00:07:02,621
And three on Fridays.

188
00:07:02,622 --> 00:07:05,573
Just think about it, 72 wives.

189
00:07:05,574 --> 00:07:07,309
Why only three on Fridays?

190
00:07:07,310 --> 00:07:08,933
Perhaps their Roman Catholics.

191
00:07:10,774 --> 00:07:12,981
Please tell His Eminence, that I'm sure

192
00:07:12,982 --> 00:07:15,726
we can clothe these flowers of the desert

193
00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:17,853
in foliage worthy of their beauty.

194
00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,605
We are all your slaves.

195
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:22,439
This is our unworthy Mr. Grainger.

196
00:07:25,557 --> 00:07:27,429
I'm the lowly Mr. Lucas.

197
00:07:27,430 --> 00:07:29,485
And I'm the humble Mr. Humphries.

198
00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:33,069
The Emir wishes his wives to look like

199
00:07:33,070 --> 00:07:34,328
European women.

200
00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:35,813
Can you show us models?

201
00:07:35,814 --> 00:07:37,701
Well, I'm afraid we
don't have models here.

202
00:07:37,702 --> 00:07:40,885
But I can show you two
typical European women.

203
00:07:40,886 --> 00:07:44,783
Mrs. Slocombe, Ms. Brahms, forward please.

204
00:07:46,453 --> 00:07:48,006
Salaam.

205
00:07:48,007 --> 00:07:49,007
Salami.

206
00:07:54,510 --> 00:07:56,413
He say, "What crime have they committed

207
00:07:56,414 --> 00:07:58,101
"to be punished with these terrible things

208
00:07:58,102 --> 00:07:59,503
"on their feet?"

209
00:07:59,504 --> 00:08:02,149
The torture is self-imposed.

210
00:08:02,150 --> 00:08:04,150
We will talk business.

211
00:08:14,557 --> 00:08:16,307
Do help me, please.

212
00:08:17,884 --> 00:08:19,827
Mr. Grainger a very wise man,

213
00:08:19,828 --> 00:08:21,328
but jointy creaky.

214
00:08:22,308 --> 00:08:26,141
- Mrs. Slocombe, Ms.
Brahms, forward and down.

215
00:08:27,220 --> 00:08:29,363
First, show us sample of trousers.

216
00:08:29,364 --> 00:08:31,187
Mr. Grainger, samples.

217
00:08:31,188 --> 00:08:32,394
Well he might have asked that

218
00:08:32,395 --> 00:08:34,970
before I got down here.

219
00:08:34,971 --> 00:08:36,194
I'll get 'em, Mr. Grainger.

220
00:08:36,195 --> 00:08:37,528
Oh, thank you.

221
00:08:38,488 --> 00:08:40,501
The summer worsted.

222
00:08:40,502 --> 00:08:44,045
Yeah, one summer worsted coming up.

223
00:08:44,046 --> 00:08:46,525
Yes, the close weave keeps out

224
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:47,637
the sand.

225
00:08:47,638 --> 00:08:50,388
They've been tested at Margate.

226
00:08:58,686 --> 00:09:00,822
Excuse me asking, but do they get

227
00:09:00,823 --> 00:09:02,605
a lot of that sort of wear?

228
00:09:07,636 --> 00:09:10,269
He say he buy one pair for Head Wife.

229
00:09:10,270 --> 00:09:11,589
Sale, Mr. Grainger.

230
00:09:11,590 --> 00:09:13,821
What size, Captain Peacock?

231
00:09:13,822 --> 00:09:14,926
Ah yes, the size.

232
00:09:14,927 --> 00:09:16,190
What size?

233
00:09:16,191 --> 00:09:17,079
I don't know.

234
00:09:17,079 --> 00:09:17,912
I see.

235
00:09:17,913 --> 00:09:20,412
Mrs. Slocombe, forward please.

236
00:09:22,655 --> 00:09:23,821
Stop, stop.

237
00:09:23,822 --> 00:09:24,998
Everybody up.

238
00:09:28,119 --> 00:09:30,273
Excuse me, sir, but
what have we done wrong?

239
00:09:30,274 --> 00:09:32,293
In my country we are all believers.

240
00:09:32,294 --> 00:09:33,582
It is not permitted that women

241
00:09:33,583 --> 00:09:34,661
touch women.

242
00:09:34,662 --> 00:09:36,764
Man may touch man, but woman may not

243
00:09:36,765 --> 00:09:37,958
touch woman.

244
00:09:37,959 --> 00:09:39,646
Where did they say they came from?

245
00:09:41,575 --> 00:09:45,006
Excuse me, but may man touch a woman?

246
00:09:45,007 --> 00:09:45,740
Of course.

247
00:09:45,740 --> 00:09:46,750
Oh, well that's all right then.

248
00:09:46,750 --> 00:09:48,517
Then they kill him.

249
00:09:48,518 --> 00:09:50,292
Hardly worth the commission, is it?

250
00:09:51,989 --> 00:09:55,572
How then are we to
take the measurements?

251
00:10:04,477 --> 00:10:07,133
He may take the measurements.

252
00:10:07,134 --> 00:10:09,604
I'm not even a believer.

253
00:10:09,605 --> 00:10:11,688
Forward, Mr. Humphries.

254
00:10:19,070 --> 00:10:21,541
What did Horace say, Winnie?

255
00:10:21,542 --> 00:10:23,588
You may take measurement, but you

256
00:10:23,589 --> 00:10:24,844
may not touch woman.

257
00:10:24,845 --> 00:10:26,429
I see.

258
00:10:26,430 --> 00:10:29,847
You mind if I have a word with my friend?

259
00:10:37,709 --> 00:10:40,042
Would you follow us, please?

260
00:10:48,526 --> 00:10:50,116
Turn 'round, dear.

261
00:10:51,869 --> 00:10:52,989
Touch your toes.

262
00:10:55,165 --> 00:10:57,028
I must remember that one.

263
00:10:57,029 --> 00:10:58,228
Any minute now he's gonna get

264
00:10:58,229 --> 00:11:00,380
his head chopped off.

265
00:11:00,381 --> 00:11:01,214
Mr. Lucas?

266
00:11:01,215 --> 00:11:03,165
Ready, Mr. Humphries,
just say the magic word.

267
00:11:03,166 --> 00:11:04,583
Chopped sesame.

268
00:11:05,856 --> 00:11:06,689
18.

269
00:11:06,689 --> 00:11:07,522
Two 18s...

270
00:11:16,861 --> 00:11:19,516
Mr. Humphries, aren't
we forgetting something?

271
00:11:19,517 --> 00:11:20,868
What's that, Captain Peacock?

272
00:11:20,869 --> 00:11:22,684
We need the inside leg.

273
00:11:22,685 --> 00:11:25,284
Oh yes, the inside leg.

274
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:28,952
Do you mind if I have
a word with my friend?

275
00:11:32,357 --> 00:11:33,372
One false move, they'll turn him

276
00:11:33,373 --> 00:11:34,711
into an e-knock.

277
00:11:38,061 --> 00:11:40,561
Will you excuse us a minute?

278
00:11:43,373 --> 00:11:44,456
Comprehend?

279
00:11:45,766 --> 00:11:47,849
On your marks, Mr. Lucas.

280
00:11:49,165 --> 00:11:50,142
Get set.

281
00:11:53,677 --> 00:11:54,533
Go.

282
00:11:58,093 --> 00:12:00,844
58, half 58, 29 inside
leg, Mr. Grainger.

283
00:12:05,686 --> 00:12:07,429
That will be 10 pounds.

284
00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:18,195
We bargain.

285
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:20,029
One goat, one trouser.

286
00:12:21,627 --> 00:12:23,703
We do not take goats.

287
00:12:23,704 --> 00:12:24,767
Very good goat.

288
00:12:24,768 --> 00:12:25,919
Give very good milk.

289
00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:28,383
Oh, it'll come in handy in a canteen.

290
00:12:28,384 --> 00:12:30,416
It's wonderful for your complexion.

291
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:31,250
No goat?

292
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:32,250
No goat.

293
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:40,903
Beautiful rug.

294
00:12:40,904 --> 00:12:42,111
All handmade.

295
00:12:42,112 --> 00:12:42,969
Good for floor.

296
00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:45,249
We have our own rugs.

297
00:12:45,250 --> 00:12:46,327
One rug.

298
00:12:46,328 --> 00:12:47,201
One trouser.

299
00:12:47,202 --> 00:12:48,223
Very good deal.

300
00:12:48,224 --> 00:12:49,807
Sorry, no can do.

301
00:13:02,296 --> 00:13:05,609
The Emir offers wife to the old one.

302
00:13:05,610 --> 00:13:07,263
I can't...

303
00:13:07,264 --> 00:13:09,264
I can't believe my ears.

304
00:13:10,738 --> 00:13:12,713
Now he can't believe his eyes.

305
00:13:12,714 --> 00:13:14,464
It could be a sale.

306
00:13:15,521 --> 00:13:18,015
No no, stop, please, stop.

307
00:13:18,016 --> 00:13:20,935
We cannot exchange wife for trousers.

308
00:13:20,936 --> 00:13:22,607
She very good.

309
00:13:22,608 --> 00:13:24,191
Give much pleasure.

310
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:47,463
I vote we chip in the 10 quid

311
00:13:47,464 --> 00:13:50,311
and keep her in the recreation room.

312
00:13:50,312 --> 00:13:51,420
You know, I've got some curtains

313
00:13:51,420 --> 00:13:52,161
that color.

314
00:13:58,232 --> 00:13:59,927
Captain Peacock, aren't you going

315
00:13:59,928 --> 00:14:02,023
to put a stop to this?

316
00:14:02,024 --> 00:14:04,031
All in good time, Mrs. Slocombe.

317
00:14:14,096 --> 00:14:15,871
Do you like?

318
00:14:15,872 --> 00:14:16,872
Yes, no.

319
00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:19,847
I'm sorry, we must have money.

320
00:14:19,848 --> 00:14:24,159
You see, we cannot
trade girl for trousers.

321
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:27,807
You trade this girl for that girl

322
00:14:27,808 --> 00:14:29,736
and also give us the old one with a face

323
00:14:29,737 --> 00:14:30,584
like a lemon.

324
00:14:33,433 --> 00:14:35,937
Captain Peacock, what is he saying?

325
00:14:35,938 --> 00:14:38,615
He's improving the offer, Mrs. Slocombe.

326
00:14:38,616 --> 00:14:41,927
No, I'm sorry, as I
said, we must have money.

327
00:14:52,703 --> 00:14:53,591
No, I'm sorry.

328
00:14:53,592 --> 00:14:54,645
Stop stop stop.

329
00:14:54,646 --> 00:14:55,669
Please.

330
00:14:55,670 --> 00:14:57,168
One of these a hundred pound notes

331
00:14:57,169 --> 00:14:59,015
would be sufficient.

332
00:14:59,016 --> 00:15:00,983
Fire, fire, fire.

333
00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:08,301
Never mind the till,
where's me season tickets?

334
00:15:08,302 --> 00:15:10,597
Help me with the till, someone.

335
00:15:10,598 --> 00:15:12,412
Never mind the till, get that case.

336
00:15:12,413 --> 00:15:13,523
Now keep calm.

337
00:15:13,524 --> 00:15:14,357
Everybody out.

338
00:15:14,358 --> 00:15:16,491
Captain Peacock, help us with the till.

339
00:15:16,492 --> 00:15:19,659
I'm sorry, the customers come first.

340
00:15:20,532 --> 00:15:26,443
One for them and one for us.

341
00:15:26,444 --> 00:15:28,444
One for them and for us.

342
00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:32,083
All for them and none for us.

343
00:15:39,716 --> 00:15:40,908
Gather 'round, everybody.

344
00:15:40,909 --> 00:15:42,875
Mr. Rumbold would like a word.

345
00:15:42,876 --> 00:15:44,827
Well I hope this isn't
going to take long.

346
00:15:44,828 --> 00:15:48,489
Mrs. Axleby and I are going
to the ice rink tonight.

347
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,201
I didn't know you could
skate, Mrs. Slocombe.

348
00:15:50,202 --> 00:15:51,689
Well, we haven't tried yet.

349
00:15:51,690 --> 00:15:53,155
But we thought that if we fell down,

350
00:15:53,156 --> 00:15:55,962
somebody's bound to pick us up.

351
00:15:55,963 --> 00:15:57,097
Well I hope we're not delayed,

352
00:15:57,098 --> 00:15:58,713
I've got a friend dancing in Swan Lake.

353
00:15:58,714 --> 00:15:59,873
Oh yeah, what's his name?

354
00:15:59,874 --> 00:16:01,441
It's a she.

355
00:16:01,442 --> 00:16:02,953
I go every night, you know, when she's not

356
00:16:02,954 --> 00:16:05,777
looking, I pinch a
feather out of her tail.

357
00:16:05,778 --> 00:16:06,865
What for, to keep as a memento

358
00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:07,910
of your affection?

359
00:16:07,911 --> 00:16:09,672
No, I'm re-stuffing a cushion.

360
00:16:11,055 --> 00:16:12,438
Are you paying attention, Mr. Humphries?

361
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:14,090
Of course I was paying
attention, Captain Peacock.

362
00:16:14,090 --> 00:16:15,600
And my friend Mr. Lucas
was paying attention

363
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:16,638
as well, weren't you, Mr. Lucas?

364
00:16:16,639 --> 00:16:18,055
Oh I was, I was, Mr. Humphries.

365
00:16:18,056 --> 00:16:19,174
Yes I was paying attention.

366
00:16:19,175 --> 00:16:21,574
I was hanging on to Mr.
Rumbold's every word.

367
00:16:21,575 --> 00:16:22,854
I haven't spoken yet.

368
00:16:22,855 --> 00:16:25,655
That's why I'm hanging on.

369
00:16:25,656 --> 00:16:27,022
Well now, the practice fire drill

370
00:16:27,023 --> 00:16:29,454
this morning was in complete shambles.

371
00:16:29,455 --> 00:16:30,680
We can't let another day go by

372
00:16:30,681 --> 00:16:32,400
without doing something about it.

373
00:16:32,401 --> 00:16:36,097
To which end, we're holding
an emergency refresher course.

374
00:16:36,098 --> 00:16:38,369
Captain Peacock is our fire expert

375
00:16:38,370 --> 00:16:39,912
and he will take over.

376
00:16:39,913 --> 00:16:40,996
Thank you, sir.

377
00:16:40,997 --> 00:16:44,024
Now, the exits are the main staircase

378
00:16:44,025 --> 00:16:46,664
and the two fire stairs at the back.

379
00:16:46,665 --> 00:16:49,672
Now, on no account may the lift be used.

380
00:16:49,673 --> 00:16:51,168
In the event of anybody being overcome

381
00:16:51,169 --> 00:16:53,624
by fumes, it is essential to understand

382
00:16:53,625 --> 00:16:55,200
the use of the fireman's lift.

383
00:16:55,201 --> 00:16:58,168
Just a minute, you just
said we couldn't use the lift.

384
00:16:58,169 --> 00:16:59,808
Ms. Brahms, the fireman's lift

385
00:16:59,809 --> 00:17:02,544
is a method of carrying
an unconscious person.

386
00:17:02,545 --> 00:17:03,642
Speaking of the unconscious,

387
00:17:03,643 --> 00:17:05,049
where's Mr. Grainger?

388
00:17:11,521 --> 00:17:14,799
Mr. Grainger, are you free for a fire?

389
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,480
Yes I am free.

390
00:17:16,481 --> 00:17:18,121
What size?

391
00:17:18,122 --> 00:17:20,456
Pay attention, Mr. Grainger.

392
00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:22,912
Now, the fireman's lift,
as I understand it,

393
00:17:22,913 --> 00:17:24,144
is something like this.

394
00:17:24,145 --> 00:17:25,337
Now Mr. Humphries, would you mind

395
00:17:25,338 --> 00:17:26,344
being unconscious?

396
00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:29,480
Have I been overcome by fumes or smoke?

397
00:17:29,481 --> 00:17:30,497
A combination of both.

398
00:17:30,498 --> 00:17:31,331
Right.

399
00:17:31,332 --> 00:17:32,793
Let me get in the mood.

400
00:17:42,449 --> 00:17:43,297
Thank you.

401
00:17:43,297 --> 00:17:44,145
Thank you very much.

402
00:17:44,145 --> 00:17:45,137
I did that at school, you know,

403
00:17:45,137 --> 00:17:45,970
in a play.

404
00:17:45,971 --> 00:17:47,792
I was Lady Hamilton and I fainted

405
00:17:47,793 --> 00:17:50,576
when I heard the dreaded
news from Waterloo.

406
00:17:50,577 --> 00:17:52,913
Mr. Humphries, Nelson
wasn't at Waterloo.

407
00:17:52,914 --> 00:17:54,938
No, but me mother was,
she missed the train.

408
00:17:56,305 --> 00:17:57,624
Can we get on with it?

409
00:17:57,625 --> 00:17:59,848
I can't bear the sight of my pussy

410
00:17:59,849 --> 00:18:01,640
standing at the door with a tin opener

411
00:18:01,641 --> 00:18:02,601
in his mouth.

412
00:18:04,338 --> 00:18:05,800
If you'll all pay attention.

413
00:18:05,801 --> 00:18:06,944
Are you ready, Mr. Humphries?

414
00:18:06,945 --> 00:18:08,288
I'm too overcome to reply.

415
00:18:08,289 --> 00:18:09,936
Come on, get on with it.

416
00:18:09,937 --> 00:18:12,138
Now then, what you do is this.

417
00:18:12,139 --> 00:18:14,904
You lie down at the side of the victim.

418
00:18:14,905 --> 00:18:17,689
You grasp the right
wrist in the right hand

419
00:18:17,690 --> 00:18:20,048
and then you roll over like so.

420
00:18:24,721 --> 00:18:26,472
If you don't mind me
saying so, Captain Peacock,

421
00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:29,816
you're making a right mess up of that.

422
00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:31,576
I thought he was doing rather well.

423
00:18:33,471 --> 00:18:35,086
Can I show you how we used to do it

424
00:18:35,087 --> 00:18:38,367
when I was in the artillery fire service.

425
00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:39,359
There you are, then you can do

426
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:41,086
anything you like with him.

427
00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:42,699
You wait 'til you're asked.

428
00:18:45,155 --> 00:18:47,034
Can you let me finish, Mr. Harman?

429
00:18:47,035 --> 00:18:49,034
I was about to show them the lift

430
00:18:49,035 --> 00:18:50,331
from the prone position.

431
00:18:50,332 --> 00:18:51,562
Yes, well I think we should all

432
00:18:51,563 --> 00:18:52,658
have a go at that.

433
00:18:52,659 --> 00:18:54,898
Mrs. Slocombe, you can be the victim.

434
00:18:54,899 --> 00:18:57,735
I'm not getting down on the mucky floor.

435
00:18:57,736 --> 00:18:59,490
Ms. Brahms, get me a chair.

436
00:18:59,491 --> 00:19:01,930
Now who shall we have to rescue her?

437
00:19:01,931 --> 00:19:04,127
Ah, Mr. Lucas, how
would you like to rescue

438
00:19:04,128 --> 00:19:05,274
Mrs. Slocombe?

439
00:19:09,155 --> 00:19:10,103
Is that an order?

440
00:19:10,103 --> 00:19:11,103
Yes.

441
00:19:12,924 --> 00:19:14,810
Now, Mrs. Slocombe, remember to relax

442
00:19:14,811 --> 00:19:16,531
and let your body go.

443
00:19:16,532 --> 00:19:18,101
From the look of it, she already has.

444
00:19:19,635 --> 00:19:21,210
I'm not having him put a finger on me

445
00:19:21,211 --> 00:19:22,460
if he's going to be cheeky.

446
00:19:22,461 --> 00:19:23,618
Do you want rescuing or not?

447
00:19:23,619 --> 00:19:25,962
I just don't want any of your lip.

448
00:19:25,963 --> 00:19:27,714
Mr. Lucas, are you ready?

449
00:19:27,715 --> 00:19:28,622
Ready.

450
00:19:28,622 --> 00:19:29,611
Right.

451
00:19:29,611 --> 00:19:30,611
Go.

452
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:38,874
Ms. Brahms, remove that chair.

453
00:19:49,684 --> 00:19:51,706
What do I do with her now?

454
00:19:51,707 --> 00:19:54,790
Put her down or put the chair back.

455
00:19:57,428 --> 00:19:58,928
How humiliating.

456
00:20:01,739 --> 00:20:06,188
Yes, well, I think one thing
is pretty clear from that.

457
00:20:06,189 --> 00:20:07,022
I hope not.

458
00:20:09,908 --> 00:20:11,442
Well, I'm sure we've all got the principle

459
00:20:11,443 --> 00:20:12,276
of the thing.

460
00:20:12,276 --> 00:20:13,275
Now,

461
00:20:13,276 --> 00:20:14,674
Mr. Harman, perhaps you'd like to take

462
00:20:14,675 --> 00:20:15,692
the next point.

463
00:20:15,693 --> 00:20:16,526
Oh thank you, sir.

464
00:20:16,526 --> 00:20:17,359
Well now,

465
00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:21,050
in a actual fire, our
biggest enemy is smoke,

466
00:20:21,051 --> 00:20:22,794
but we must not panic.

467
00:20:22,795 --> 00:20:24,612
Now, I would like you to assume

468
00:20:24,613 --> 00:20:26,938
that the whole building is full of smoke

469
00:20:26,939 --> 00:20:28,836
and we cannot see the exits.

470
00:20:28,837 --> 00:20:30,570
What do we do?

471
00:20:30,571 --> 00:20:32,060
Phone my mother, tell
her to put my mints

472
00:20:32,061 --> 00:20:33,164
on a low-light.

473
00:20:34,652 --> 00:20:35,868
We get on our hands and knees

474
00:20:35,869 --> 00:20:37,756
on the floor and place our noses

475
00:20:37,757 --> 00:20:39,563
to the floor where you will find

476
00:20:39,564 --> 00:20:41,058
some breathable air.

477
00:20:41,059 --> 00:20:42,746
Everybody down.

478
00:20:42,747 --> 00:20:45,074
This way,
you can keep breathing,

479
00:20:45,075 --> 00:20:47,242
as you head for the exits.

480
00:20:48,996 --> 00:20:51,051
Oh blimey, I can still smell that goat.

481
00:20:53,524 --> 00:20:55,146
There can be no question of my

482
00:20:55,147 --> 00:20:56,964
getting down there.

483
00:20:56,965 --> 00:20:57,986
Well, in your case, Mr. Grainger,

484
00:20:57,987 --> 00:21:01,378
get yourself a snorkel
and use it upside down.

485
00:21:01,379 --> 00:21:02,323
That's the general idea.

486
00:21:02,324 --> 00:21:04,150
Now, see if we remember the rudiments

487
00:21:04,151 --> 00:21:05,722
the first time.

488
00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:07,307
Well, I hope we can, I strained my back

489
00:21:07,308 --> 00:21:08,779
carrying Mrs. Slocombe.

490
00:21:08,780 --> 00:21:13,050
And I shall strain my
wrist butting your ear.

491
00:21:13,051 --> 00:21:15,562
In the event of the
victim being overcome

492
00:21:15,563 --> 00:21:18,450
by smoke, there is a favorite method

493
00:21:18,451 --> 00:21:20,234
of bringing them 'round,

494
00:21:20,235 --> 00:21:22,090
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation,

495
00:21:22,091 --> 00:21:24,340
alias, the kiss of life.

496
00:21:24,341 --> 00:21:26,522
Oh, kissing, that's it, I'm going home.

497
00:21:26,523 --> 00:21:30,035
Just a minute, don't be too hasty.

498
00:21:30,036 --> 00:21:32,258
We don't practice on the ladies.

499
00:21:32,259 --> 00:21:33,196
No, we certainly don't

500
00:21:33,196 --> 00:21:34,290
practice on the men.

501
00:21:34,979 --> 00:21:36,306
I can't go on.

502
00:21:36,307 --> 00:21:39,541
I can't work under these conditions.

503
00:21:39,542 --> 00:21:41,245
I'm not getting paid for this, you know.

504
00:21:41,246 --> 00:21:43,576
I'm just getting ordinary overtime.

505
00:21:43,577 --> 00:21:45,327
Well, it's insulting.

506
00:21:46,905 --> 00:21:49,409
Did you think I wanna go
around kissing this lot?

507
00:21:49,410 --> 00:21:53,096
Oh god in hell, sakes no,
I don't even kiss him.

508
00:21:53,097 --> 00:21:55,301
I'm sure you mustn't
take this personally.

509
00:21:55,302 --> 00:21:57,013
It's just that we British have a

510
00:21:57,014 --> 00:21:59,301
natural resistance to kissing each other.

511
00:21:59,302 --> 00:22:00,429
Unless somebody scores a goal

512
00:22:00,430 --> 00:22:01,965
and then it's every man for himself.

513
00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:04,910
If you just let me
finish what I was saying,

514
00:22:04,910 --> 00:22:06,429
we've always got Myrtle, don't we?

515
00:22:06,430 --> 00:22:07,525
Who's Myrtle?

516
00:22:07,526 --> 00:22:09,917
She's the one all the
firemen practice on.

517
00:22:09,918 --> 00:22:10,862
That sounds good for you.

518
00:22:10,863 --> 00:22:12,813
You ought to join the fire brigade.

519
00:22:12,814 --> 00:22:15,534
Myrtle is a rubberized simulated lady,

520
00:22:15,535 --> 00:22:19,149
what the firemen practice
the kiss of life on.

521
00:22:19,150 --> 00:22:20,617
Put your clothes down, darling,

522
00:22:20,618 --> 00:22:22,982
you're a big girl now.

523
00:22:22,983 --> 00:22:24,238
That's typical, isn't it?

524
00:22:24,239 --> 00:22:25,678
It has to be a woman.

525
00:22:25,679 --> 00:22:26,806
They can't have a man.

526
00:22:26,807 --> 00:22:29,174
It's sexual discrimination.

527
00:22:29,175 --> 00:22:32,230
You try getting 45 burly firemen

528
00:22:32,231 --> 00:22:35,686
to kiss a facsimile of Steve McQueen.

529
00:22:35,687 --> 00:22:37,678
Now, the object is to blow down here

530
00:22:37,679 --> 00:22:39,574
and you get enough wind and air

531
00:22:39,575 --> 00:22:41,718
to expand the lungs, therefore

532
00:22:41,719 --> 00:22:44,126
bringing body life again.

533
00:22:44,127 --> 00:22:45,422
Or bringing life back into the body.

534
00:22:45,423 --> 00:22:46,841
Whichever way you blows down it,

535
00:22:46,842 --> 00:22:49,686
now, if you are blowing correctly,

536
00:22:49,687 --> 00:22:51,602
if you are blowing correctly,

537
00:22:51,603 --> 00:22:54,906
this will be indicated by
the built-in mechanism.

538
00:22:54,907 --> 00:22:56,954
I will now give you a demonstration.

539
00:22:56,955 --> 00:22:58,029
It's very very difficult.

540
00:22:58,030 --> 00:22:58,863
Excuse me.

541
00:23:11,110 --> 00:23:14,104
Well it's the first time
I've seen that happen.

542
00:23:14,105 --> 00:23:15,543
I hope nobody thinks that I'm

543
00:23:15,544 --> 00:23:17,135
going to blow into that thing after

544
00:23:17,136 --> 00:23:18,136
45 firemen.

545
00:23:18,936 --> 00:23:20,599
Anybody that uses a dummy will be

546
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,683
issued with disposable hygienic lips.

547
00:23:31,730 --> 00:23:33,665
Do we have to wear
these if there's a fire?

548
00:23:33,666 --> 00:23:36,713
Only if you have to kiss Mrs. Slocombe.

549
00:23:36,714 --> 00:23:38,537
That's it, I am going.

550
00:23:38,538 --> 00:23:40,061
Oh, Mrs. Slocombe, please.

551
00:23:40,062 --> 00:23:41,560
I'm sure Mr. Lucas will apologize

552
00:23:41,561 --> 00:23:43,033
for that unnecessary remark.

553
00:23:43,034 --> 00:23:44,393
Lucas?

554
00:23:48,265 --> 00:23:50,562
The boy's a buffoon.

555
00:23:50,563 --> 00:23:53,309
More like a baboon with them lips.

556
00:23:53,310 --> 00:23:54,574
Peacock, you first.

557
00:23:54,575 --> 00:23:55,992
Very well, sir.

558
00:24:07,798 --> 00:24:10,469
You aren't lighting her up.

559
00:24:10,470 --> 00:24:12,589
I'm not surprised, he
couldn't light me up either

560
00:24:12,590 --> 00:24:14,519
in the stockroom last Christmas.

561
00:24:16,689 --> 00:24:18,282
You too?

562
00:24:18,283 --> 00:24:19,616
Not going yet.

563
00:24:20,678 --> 00:24:22,045
Come on, Peacock, put some more

564
00:24:22,046 --> 00:24:23,129
puff into it.

565
00:24:24,022 --> 00:24:25,781
I'm doing my best, sir.

566
00:24:25,782 --> 00:24:29,517
That's what he said in the stockroom.

567
00:24:29,518 --> 00:24:30,518
Harder.

568
00:24:31,294 --> 00:24:34,158
Harder.

569
00:24:34,966 --> 00:24:35,966
Harder.

570
00:24:36,654 --> 00:24:37,781
Harder.

571
00:24:43,050 --> 00:24:44,130
Well, I hope that didn't happen

572
00:24:44,130 --> 00:24:46,029
in the stockroom.

573
00:24:46,030 --> 00:24:47,421
That's interesting.

574
00:24:47,422 --> 00:24:49,246
You know, the same thing happens

575
00:24:49,247 --> 00:24:52,421
to Mrs. Grainger when she eats meringues.

576
00:24:54,822 --> 00:24:58,021
No wonder she's banned
from all the tea rooms.

577
00:24:58,022 --> 00:24:59,501
Well I think in the circumstances,

578
00:24:59,502 --> 00:25:02,293
we'd better leave this
and go on to the escape.

579
00:25:02,294 --> 00:25:03,422
Oh, very good, sir.

580
00:25:03,423 --> 00:25:05,782
Well now, here we have the mock-up

581
00:25:05,783 --> 00:25:07,957
of the emergency escape kit.

582
00:25:07,958 --> 00:25:09,597
Now in the event of all the passages

583
00:25:09,598 --> 00:25:11,853
becoming impassable with smoke,

584
00:25:11,854 --> 00:25:14,079
we simply lower this out the window

585
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:16,357
and slide down the chute.

586
00:25:16,358 --> 00:25:18,125
You don't realize how dangerous

587
00:25:18,126 --> 00:25:19,530
a fire is until you've
got one of your own,

588
00:25:19,530 --> 00:25:20,765
do you?

589
00:25:20,766 --> 00:25:22,173
I'm going to have a private fire alarm

590
00:25:22,174 --> 00:25:23,493
fitted on my flat.

591
00:25:23,494 --> 00:25:25,023
Oh, they're ever so ugly.

592
00:25:25,024 --> 00:25:25,998
I'll keep it on the sideboard

593
00:25:25,999 --> 00:25:28,581
behind my Paddington bear.

594
00:25:28,582 --> 00:25:30,845
Oh, I don't need a fire alarm.

595
00:25:30,846 --> 00:25:32,685
At the first sign of smoke,

596
00:25:32,686 --> 00:25:35,245
my pussy rushes into the garden

597
00:25:35,246 --> 00:25:38,062
and it sits on the concrete tortoise

598
00:25:38,063 --> 00:25:40,205
in the middle of the goldfish bowl.

599
00:25:40,206 --> 00:25:41,885
One Sunday, I burnt me Yorkshire.

600
00:25:41,886 --> 00:25:44,361
It was there for a whole week.

601
00:25:44,362 --> 00:25:45,905
May we return to the matter in hand

602
00:25:45,906 --> 00:25:48,547
and familiarize ourselves
with the escape apparatus?

603
00:25:48,548 --> 00:25:49,381
Yes, sir.

604
00:25:49,382 --> 00:25:50,619
Well now, all we do here is to jump

605
00:25:50,620 --> 00:25:51,467
into the chute.

606
00:25:51,468 --> 00:25:53,946
Now, to slow down our descent, you simply

607
00:25:53,947 --> 00:25:55,954
spread out your legs.

608
00:25:55,955 --> 00:25:56,955
Yes well,

609
00:25:57,819 --> 00:25:59,122
we're all gonna have a go at this.

610
00:25:59,123 --> 00:26:01,218
I'm sure it's not as
frightening as it looks.

611
00:26:01,219 --> 00:26:03,354
And then after each
person has been through,

612
00:26:03,355 --> 00:26:05,252
he or she may go home.

613
00:26:05,253 --> 00:26:07,086
Perhaps me go first.

614
00:26:08,595 --> 00:26:11,845
♫ Climb every mountain

615
00:26:13,203 --> 00:26:14,394
Oh, you get quite a nice view

616
00:26:14,395 --> 00:26:15,522
from up here.

617
00:26:15,523 --> 00:26:16,554
Probably better than the one

618
00:26:16,555 --> 00:26:19,090
we're getting from down here.

619
00:26:19,091 --> 00:26:20,091
You've seen Evel Knievel.

620
00:26:20,092 --> 00:26:21,346
You're about to see Hokum Slocombe

621
00:26:21,347 --> 00:26:22,331
in a death-defying dive...

622
00:26:24,851 --> 00:26:25,906
Mrs. Slocombe,

623
00:26:25,907 --> 00:26:27,626
you don't dive down it, you slither

624
00:26:27,627 --> 00:26:29,754
down it feet first.

625
00:26:29,755 --> 00:26:32,666
Just sit off the edge, love.

626
00:26:32,667 --> 00:26:33,821
Right, I think at this point

627
00:26:33,822 --> 00:26:36,074
we should all turn the other way.

628
00:26:36,075 --> 00:26:37,035
I quite agree, I can't stand

629
00:26:37,036 --> 00:26:38,074
the sight of accidents.

630
00:26:39,555 --> 00:26:40,403
Are you ready?

631
00:26:40,403 --> 00:26:41,236
Yes.

632
00:26:42,420 --> 00:26:43,876
Isn't that the fire bell?

633
00:26:43,877 --> 00:26:45,977
Yes, I expect they're just testing it.

634
00:26:45,978 --> 00:26:47,978
Carry on, Mrs. Slocombe.

635
00:26:51,152 --> 00:26:53,275
Well done, Mrs. Slocombe, well done.

636
00:26:53,276 --> 00:26:54,891
Where is the way out?

637
00:26:57,060 --> 00:26:58,547
It's under your feet.

638
00:26:58,548 --> 00:26:59,459
Don't be daft.

639
00:26:59,460 --> 00:27:01,227
The floor is under me feet.

640
00:27:01,228 --> 00:27:02,435
You're supposed to come out here.

641
00:27:06,486 --> 00:27:08,114
I can't see.

642
00:27:08,115 --> 00:27:09,754
How do we get her out?

643
00:27:09,755 --> 00:27:11,618
Well, when I go rabbiting,

644
00:27:11,619 --> 00:27:13,487
I usually shove a ferret down there.

645
00:27:15,201 --> 00:27:16,647
It gives it a quick bite and the rabbit

646
00:27:16,648 --> 00:27:18,231
comes out the other end like a cork

647
00:27:18,232 --> 00:27:20,066
out of a bottle.

648
00:27:20,067 --> 00:27:21,482
Hands up for a volunteer to pop in there

649
00:27:21,483 --> 00:27:23,930
and bite Mrs. Slocombe's bottom.

650
00:27:23,931 --> 00:27:25,434
Wait
'til I get out of here,

651
00:27:25,435 --> 00:27:27,594
you cheeky monkey.

652
00:27:27,595 --> 00:27:28,978
Oh, smoke, look.

653
00:27:28,979 --> 00:27:30,114
Good heavens, so there is.

654
00:27:30,115 --> 00:27:33,283
Hey, that
must be the real alarm.

655
00:27:33,284 --> 00:27:34,522
Listen, listen.

656
00:27:34,523 --> 00:27:36,458
What are you lot doing here?

657
00:27:36,459 --> 00:27:37,954
Get downstairs quick.

658
00:27:37,955 --> 00:27:39,658
We've got a fire in the place.

659
00:27:39,659 --> 00:27:41,266
Officer, one of our colleagues

660
00:27:41,267 --> 00:27:42,558
is tangled up in this thing.

661
00:27:42,559 --> 00:27:43,558
Oh, forget him.

662
00:27:43,558 --> 00:27:44,414
You beat it.

663
00:27:44,414 --> 00:27:45,263
Come on, come on.

664
00:27:45,264 --> 00:27:47,231
Move it.

665
00:27:47,232 --> 00:27:48,598
Never mind that, Mr. Grainger.

666
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:54,414
Come on, now, what are you waiting for?

667
00:27:54,415 --> 00:27:56,262
Oh, it's the chief himself.

668
00:27:59,260 --> 00:28:01,360
corrected by 7kozlov
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